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A new start...again. (172lbs)

 Yeah, so all this happened.  It's what like a few years since last I posted and nothing has really changed.  I did read back what I wrote and I'm still in the same place.  I am doing a Commeircal Acting class and we do a lot of taping of ourselves.  I refuse to watch what I have done in class but I did get a nice glimpse a week or so ago so I'm back on the diet kick again.  I was up to 276.2 about 5 days ago, so I lost some weight already but I do that thing where I go like super hard and lose a lot at the start.  I just need to be on it.  This next few weeks I'm going on vacation with the family and it's my bday so I won't be so strict.  I will try a little though with small choices here and there, but I don't want to ruin my trip by thinking about it constantly.  I know that maybe IS the best time to buckle down, but screw that, I'm old and shit and want to have fun with my family! There is definitely something wrong with me mentally.  I do really wel
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Week 5 - 266 (- 17.5 lbs)

I missed last week for various reasons, but I am back! Been pretty good, I plateaued for a while and didn't lose any weight for about 3-4 days then I finally went down.  Been getting a little hungry while fasting but nothing I cant handle.  I don't see any difference when I look in the mirror, but I probably won't until I lose a significant amount of weight. I still feel really motivated.  I'm now riding the bike for 3 days and lifting for 3 days which has been lots of fun for some reason.  I hope I don't become like a fitness person, Ryan now would be very disappointed in the future Ryan if that happened.  I want to just remind miserably on a diet and workout regime until I hit my goal weight. 17lbs is no small feat.  To be honest, if I saw 17lbs feet Id probably be pretty grossed out.  Feet aren't very attractive, I mean they are ok but I do NOT understand how some dudes are obsessed with feet.
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Week 3 - 271.7 (- 12.4 lbs)

Each week gets a little easier.  My weight loss has slowed down, which is a little discouraging but, I knew this was going to happen.  I am slowing down to a more realistic weight loss per week on average.  I'm never really STARVING, so I think ill stay with this 16/8 fasting window.  I don't feel any different being 12lbs lighter, but I'm a pretty big dude so, I don't think I'll feel/see a difference till I get closer to 250. For some reason this time around feels easier and I'm way more motivated to reach my goal.  Besides that, nothing really eventful this week.  I still love chocolate.
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Week 2 - 275 (- 8.5 lbs)

Another full week down and I am still on the downslope!  That's a good thing.  Weighting in every day really does help,  I'm not getting all hung up on the numbers so much.  Even though this week I lost less than last, it's fine.  My goal is 2lbs per week (if possible), and I know some weeks ill hit it and others I won't.  It's feeling a little more normal now, which is a good thing.  I did take a few days off of fasting just because I wanted to.  I think the real benefit is just not eating after 8 pm, so If I just keep doing that, I'll be fine.  Also, I don't want to feel trapped in this or any other system so letting go of it a day here and there feels good. I still feel pretty motivated and hope this is how I feel all the time, a new normal, but let's be honest probably not. I know for a fact there will not be a time I don't want to eat chocolate. Any form of it is good with me.  Shit, ill even eat dark chocolate, or as I like to call it "old
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Week 1 - 278.8 (- 4.7 lbs)

I know this isn't reality. I have been through this before.  This is like the first week you get back from camp.  You are all hype and a changed person so you go HARD!  I did the first few days.  I guess I just needed to jump-start it all.  I am doing intermittent fasting (12p-8p eating window) and counting calories.   This is just to keep me from eating at night since I don't "do" breakfast.   Can I talk about Breakfast for a second? Breakfast is overrated.  I don't know why people like it so much.  Don't get me wrong, a good breakfast burrito is awesome, but I can eat that shit in the middle of the day and be just as happy.  My pallet is pretty lame, just ask all my friends, but it seems like breakfast is like a few things.  Eggs, bacon, and some sort of bread things like toast or pancakes.  BORING! Anyways, this week was good.  Counting is kind of tedious and slows everything down.   This might be a good thing because my mind is always moving so fast.  Anyt
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Week 0 - 283.5

It's funny what a picture of yourself can do to you. I recently performed Improv on stage and had the time of my life, then later the next day one of my teammates posted pictures of the performance.  I was honestly very disappointed in myself.  The high I was riding on from the show was completely destroyed...by a single picture.  A picture of me doing something I love, something that gives others joy.  The cast and audience could care less what I looked like but I cared, way too much.  You would think I have a mirror phobia or photophobia, but I don't.  I just don't like to look at myself.  Never have.  When I am walking and see my reflection in a window my instinct is to turn my head the other way.  If there is a reflective door I will look at the floor till I a through the door.  I'm not a vain person but I do care...it's weird. I feel like I am missing stuff in life too because of this.  I get worried when someone is taking a picture of me and my wife or family
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